


The Truth Of It All

by Jacrispea



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, Blow Jobs, Bunkers, Cunnilingus, End of the World, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-24 19:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20364193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: John's ranch has finally been taken from him. Forced to survive in his bunker, his brother Jacob sends some of his Chosen to help John's mission to make the deputy atone (one of them being you). As you help set up traps and fake a wedding type atonement with him, you start to understand the layers to John and before you know it, you're falling for him.* This is based off the events of the game but aren't necessarily in order or stick to the storyline at some parts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I recently read the Book of Joseph which was released in a limited quantity (can be found on Tumblr though) and it gave me a better understanding of the Seed's... John in particular. This characterization of him may be a bit off from the game but I like to think this is how he would act if he finally found someone who understood his motives and pain. 
> 
> Poor John, my heart will always break for him. 😩❤️

"The incompetence of these people! I told them to find that deputy but instead, I've lost my home!" John screamed as he threw his screwdriver from his nearby workbench. "What gives them the right? The audacity of these.... This _Resistance _."

"We'll get it back, I promise you," you tried calming him as you reached for his arm but he ripped himself out of your grasp and proceeded to knock over furniture in the room. 

You knew you should leave and give him some space to calm down but it hurt you to see him so upset. John had worked hard before Joseph had found him and brought him to Montana and the money he made paid for his ranch, his home. He was so proud of everything about it and you knew this was the ultimate "fuck you" from the deputy. 

When he finally destroyed the room, he leaned with his palms against the wall and breathed heavily. 

"We can't take anymore chances," he finally said, flipping his switch back to calm. "I want you and the other Chosen to track down our friend and bring her to the bunker. I need to make her atone once and for all." 

"Of course, we'll get to work," you said and left him in his pose. 

He didn't turn to see you off. 

\--- 

After making your way through the halls of his bunker, you reached the surface and radioed Jacob. He was your boss afterall and you needed to let him know where you'd be. 

"We're going to be in Holland Valley for a while longer. This whole thing is out of control," you told him. 

"I heard," he said calmly on the other end. "Do what you have to and get back. Make sure my brother has his home back too before you come, hm?"

"Will do," you agreed and let the call go dead. 

You turned the frequency and called for the other two Chosen who were in the Valley with you to let them know you'd be staying for awhile, which they fully expected. When John's followers had proven weak against the treat that was building against him, he asked Jacob to send help. Jacob of course sent his best soldiers, wanting to protect his younger brother. 

You decided to meet up right away at the bunker and go over a plan. It hadn't proved easy to locate the deputy so far and you wouldn't allow yourself to fail. 

\---

It was after 1:00 in the morning and the trail had gone cold. You were able to track the destruction the deputy was leaving behind but always seemed to be a couple steps behind them. You were confident that you had narrowed down the search area but right now, you all needed at least a couple hours sleep. 

Entering the hallway that led to your room, you wished your fellow Chosen goodnight. The other two were set up in one room but you had been given your own, which you were grateful for. When you rounded the corner, you noticed a figure standing in the doorway. You couldn't make out his features from this distance but you recognized the way he crossed his arms and ankles impatiently as he leaned against the doorway. You quickened your pace, not wanting to make him wait. 

When he noticed you approaching, John threw his hands up dramatically and clapped them in front of him once, keeping his hands together. He stepped towards you, meeting you halfway. 

"Please, tell me you have good news!" he said loudly and of course with his normal bravado. You wondered how long he had been waiting for you. 

"We're closing in. Just needed a bit of rest but we'll head back in the morning." 

His face fell slightly at your response but then he picked up the corners of his lips again and nodded, "Much appreciated. You must be tired." 

You continued your walk to you room when John had spun around and changed direction, escorting you the rest of the way. He watched you intently with those piercing blue eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, I wish I had better news," you said when you finally reached the door. 

"No need for apologies. I simply wanted to check on you. I was quite worried."

Bullshit, you thought to yourself but smiled back at him. You wished he felt more at ease with you, rather than constantly keeping this other calm, collected personality afront. His brother Jacob was the opposite - he swore, he spit, he told you to fuck off when he was unhappy. It was refreshing. You had formed a bond with him almost immediately and though you were intimidated at first, you now felt comfort when he was present. 

"I'm surprised you're still up," you offered as conversation, not really sure what else to say. 

"I never sleep much, but especially not now," he said as he gave a quick shrug. 

"Jacob's the same way," you agreed. "I think he sleeps like two hours a night. It's insane." 

John's eyebrows shot up at such an intimate detail. He scanned your face for a moment but finally grinned back. 

"I suppose all us brothers are the same," he said as he walked into your room and took the liberty of sitting on the edge of your bed. "It sounds like you and Jacob are close." 

You stood for a minute, unsure if you should sit with him or stand but finally, he patted the bed next to him, giving you your answer. You slipped out of your coat beforehand and sat about a foot away from him. He smiled warmly at you when you did. 

"I see him a lot more than a lot of the other hunters I suppose. We talk a lot... I always tease him about his bags under his eyes and his always chipper personality and he teases me about literally everything," you said with a forced groan. 

"But... it's nothing more?" he asked, still keeping his eyes on yours. 

"Oh, no, of course not. He's my boss... and I guess I consider him a friend but that's it." 

"Interesting," John said quietly and leaned back on the bed, placing his hands out behind him. He refused to peel his eyes away though, you noticed. You glanced around, becoming uneasy at the intrusiveness of it. "Would you like to join me for breakfast tomorrow?" 

"Oh, well... I was just going to grab some coffee and head back out."

"I'm sure our friend won't go far, she seems to enjoy poking at me," he said in annoyance. "I insist." 

"Okay, I'd like that, thanks," you said, looking back and forth at him and the wall ahead. 

You felt completely ridiculous; you were one of the strongest soldiers in the Project and fearless when it came to facing the Resistance but here you were, uneasy in your own skin because of one man. Sure, he was strikingly handsome and beyond charming when he wanted to be but you had never been intimidated by a man before. You immediately felt weak. If only Jacob could see you now. 

"Excellent," John exclaimed. "Meet me in my room at 8:00." 

He stood and smiled down at you before taking his leave without another word. You watched him leave, feeling unusual. You weren't quite nervous, not quite excited but somewhere inbetween. 

\----

The next morning, you finally found your way to John's room, after stopping and asking a few of his people in the halls. It was the first time you had been to that part of the bunker and weren't really surprised when it was relatively secluded from the other rooms. The door was closed when you arrived so you knocked softly, waiting for him to call you in. After a couple minutes, John opened the door with his signature smile. Your stomach fluttered a bit everytime you saw it. 

"There she is," he announced, waving a hand for you to enter as he stepped aside to make room. 

You glanced around when you entered and took in the enormous room. It had a queen sized bed, two nightstands, a large dresser, desk and two large bookcases stacked with hard covered books. In the corner of the room, he had a small round wooden table with two beautifully carved chairs. On top of the table sat a pitcher of orange juice and two short crystal glasses, and food laid out on a platter in the middle so you could help yourself. You eyed it over to see toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, muffins and fresh fruit. 

"Please say that's for us," you said as you gazed at the food hungrily. You were so used to the rations that Jacob had at camp most of the time that this just looked like a feast fit for a queen. 

"I hope there's nothing I missed," he said as he led the way to the table and held your chair out for you. 

You thanked him and took a seat, still staring at the food when John finally took his place across from you. When he noticed your expression, he laughed softly. It was an unusual sound... you had never heard him laugh before and it sounded so foreign but pleasant. 

"Is my brother not feeding you well?" he asked as he pushed the tray towards you, encouraging you to take your fill. 

"I couldn't tell you the last time I had bacon," you told him as you dug in and took a couple pieces along with a big scoop of eggs, a scoop of berries and a piece of wheat toast. "This is too much. Thank you, John." 

"Of course," he said back with a smile. He chose to take the same as you and proceeded to pour you both a glass of juice. 

You ate in silence for awhile, savouring every bite slowly and deliberately. When you glass was emptied, John filled it again. 

"How did you sleep?" he asked between bites. "I hope breakfast wasn't too early." 

"I slept really well. And this is actually sleeping in for me, so it definitely wasn't too early. I still feel bad about taking time away from the job though." 

"My brother has faith in you, and so do I. He's told me a lot about you actually." 

You stopped after another bite of your fruit and placed your fork on the plate, wiping your mouth quickly with one of the cloth napkins. You wanted to ask John if he intended to live a life of such luxuries below ground when the Collapse happened but chose to ask him something less intrusive, "What has Jacob said?" 

"Well," he said but waited until he was done chewing. He said you're trustworthy and beyond capable. I think he may have said something about you giving him a hard time and maybe mentioned the word stubborn a few times but I may have misheard." 

"Definitely misheard," you said and winked at him. 

He raised his eyebrows and his smile widened, making you regret such a personal gesture. You chose to glance around the room again, taking in the details you hadn't noticed previously. When John noticed you glancing at his bookcase, he stood and walked over to it before turning to you. 

"Do you read much?" he asked. 

You nodded, "I do... I did. I've basically read every book I own and all of the books at the Chalet at least three times each. They're hard to come by." 

"Take some of mine," he offered and held a hand out to you from across the room, presumably motioning for you to join him. You set your napkin on the table and walked to him. When you were close enough, he grazed your hand with his and held the back of it against yours but didn't entwine your fingers. You forced yourself to look straight ahead, rather than look down at what was happening. He was acting completely casual about it so you chose to do the same. You glanced over the titles: most were classics or books of poetry or short stories, several had to do with law and philosophy and true crime but he also had a lot of horror authors you recognized. Much to your delight, he had a collection of Edgar Allan Poe stories and poems. You picked it up and ran a hand over the pristine leather bound cover. 

"Tell-tale Heart is my favorite," you told him, still gazing down at the cover. 

"Mine too," he said. "Take it with you." 

You shifted your gaze from the book to John. "Thank you, this is a real treat. I'll return it as soon as I'm done." 

"No, no... it's a gift," he said as he laid his hands on top of yours which were still holding the book but then quickly removed them and motioned for the table again. "Coffee?"

You nodded and joined him again, eating more than any human should in a sitting and wondering as John glanced at you continuously if he was imagining where to carve your new sin of gluttony.


	2. Chapter 2

The deputy was weak afterall, much to Jacob's prediction. She had grown cocky after her victory at the Seed Ranch and rather than slipping through the woods and back roads undetected as she had been, she was now blowing through roadblocks in the biggest eighteen wheeler you had ever seen. Foolish. 

When the call came out over the radio, you knew instantly it was her and having been the one closest to her, you proceeded to the last spot she was sighted on your quad. When you noticed her truck over the horizon, parked in front of the Spread Eagle, you stowed the quad in some nearby bushes and proceeded on foot. 

Although Falls End had been taken back weeks ago, they had yet to set up anything even semi organized. People walked around with rifles, sometimes bumping into one another and stopping to chat while leaving open spaces in their perimeter. If this was in the mountains, Jacob would have you all on very organized rounds, making sure every weak spot was covered. But these people weren't soldiers. If you didn't feel empathy for them, you would have reported your findings to John and organized a group to reclaim his fallen town but you just couldn't do that to them. Not when the deputy was the key to ending all of this. 

You knelt between the trees just across from the church, with binoculars in hand, sweeping the area for signs of the deputy. Hours passed and finally, when you were ready to relocate to a new lookout spot, you noticed the doors of the bar open and low and behold, she sauntered out as casual as anything. 

You felt your pace quicken, knowing it was only a matter of time now before you had her in your clutches. Putting your binoculars away, you ran through the trees and across the dirt road leading out of the town, darting between buildings and finally settling behind a crate across the street from her. She was having a conversation with the pastor, who had the biggest smile plastered on his kind face. She gave him a quick hug goodbye and hopped into a beat up car outside the bar. You swore to yourself, knowing she would be harder to track if she wasn't on foot but decided you couldn't chance shooting her now with so many people nearby. Before she had a chance to start the engine, you were running up the road towards your quad, still concealed by bushes and fences as you went. When you got to your vehicle, you started it but let it idol in its hiding spot, crunching down over the handle bars in a vain attempt to hide yourself. 

You weren't sure if it was dumb luck or if the bike was really hidden that well, but she drove by and continued up the road. When she had crested the knoll ahead, you started your pursuit; always careful to keep a safe distance. She drove for what felt like forever until she finally pulled up to what looked like some old haunted house type attraction. You drove past her on the road; she glanced up at you but when she saw you continue along, she turned her attention back to her task of climbing to the second story window of the house nearby. There must be a prepper stash or something nearby that she had heard about. 

After you got up the road aways and out of sight, you parked and backtracked through the woods. As you ran, you loaded your gun with bliss bullets and readied it for firing. 

She wasn't hard to hit, in fact... you were almost disappointed at the lack of a challenge this notorious deputy had been. She dropped her defenses at the prospect of some extra supplies, not anticipating the fact that she had been hunted this whole time. 

When she dropped to the ground, holding her shoulder, you finally revealed yourself from the trees and scooped her up. You decided to take her car to John's bunker, just to make the victory that much sweeter. 

\---

"John?" you called through his door as you stood in front of it with your fist to the metal. 

"Come in," he called back in a light and airy voice. 

You were smart enough to know this wasn't the real John Seed, but rather a facade he placed in front of him for some unknown reason. You could understand it in some circumstances but you were a loyal member of the Project and one of his brother's elite soldiers. He didn't have to play this game with you. 

You opened the door to find him slumped over his desk, flipping through a binder of some sort. When he glanced up and noticed you, he hopped to his feet immediately. 

"My little wolf, you've returned... hopefully with some promising news. Tell me, are we close?" he asked as he smoothed down his shirt. 

"Close, yes. Do you have a moment though? There's something I need you to see." 

"What is it?" 

"It's better if I show you," you told him. 

He gave you a puzzled look but nodded once and followed behind you as you took him to an upper level that housed the prisoners. When you approached a room with a heavy metal door, he stopped and flashed you a look.

"Why have you brought me here?" he asked quietly. His eyes had somehow grown darker. 

You didn't say anything but motioned for the tiny window in the door. He hesitated for a moment but stepped past you and looked inside. When he turned back to you, his face was radiated in a happy glow. 

"Jacob was right... he was right..." he trailed off and glanced back at the deputy who was still drugged in the chair you had tied her to. 

You placed a hand on his back, patting it twice and then turning to leave. Before you could take a step, John reached a hand out and pulled you at the wrist. 

"I'm going to need some help, this isn't over just because we have her," he said with his fingers still lightly holding you in place. "Can you stay?" 

You thought that over for a moment. On one hand, you wanted to go home and see your friends and have your bedroom back. On the other, John seemed to need you. His expression was almost pleading and you couldn't face the thought of disappointing him. You had heard the stories and knew of all the disappointments he had had in his life. If he needed you to stay, you'd do that for him. 

"Of course," you told him with a smile. 

He smiled back at you and then faced the door again, going inside without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

"Has she woken up?" you asked John when he returned to your room later that day. 

"Not yet. If she hasn't been exposed to bliss before, it may take her awhile to come to." 

John sat on your bed again, as you laid back with the book he had loaned you. When he had entered the room, you set the book on the nightstand but decided not to sit up. You were determined to break this formality between you in hopes that he would finally be himself. 

"Does Joseph know yet?" you asked him.

He shook his head and then surprisingly, he kicked his shoes off and laid back on the bed with you. His gaze stayed on the ceiling as he explained he wanted to wait until the deputy had atoned first. He didn't want his brother to know of any potential failure. 

"If anyone can do it, you can," you assured him as you glanced over. 

"Thank you," he said and this time, he brought his face to the side, giving you a a genuine smile. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course," he answered. 

"Do you feel comfortable around me?" you asked him, watching him for any signs of dishonesty. 

John rolled over to his side and leaned on his elbow as he glanced down at you as he spoke, " Yes, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Why do you ask?" 

"It's just..." you let out a small sigh but continued, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I know you've grown up having to show a different side of yourself to the world but sometimes I feel like you do that with me too. I know we've only met a couple times before this but I just want you to know you don't have to do that with me." 

John watched you for a moment but then his smile faded and his face relaxed. He reached a hand to your cheek, holding his palm to it lightly as if he were inspecting you. Finally, he nodded and released his grasp on you. 

"You're right. I suppose I've done it for so long..." he trailed off. 

"I get it," you told him as you leaned up on your elbow too and brushed the hair from your eyes with the other. 

Your fingers touched John's as he reached for the same strand. Neither of you pulled back as he placed a hand over yours and ran this thumb across your knuckles. He leaned closer, until you were inches away from him. Your breath caught in your throat as his eyes drifted down to your lips. 

"Hey trouble, pick up if you can," you heard Jacob boom over the radio, interrupting your moment. 

John sighed and leaned back to the pillows, as you scooted to the foot of the bed and crossed the room to pick up your radio. 

"I'm here. What's up?" you asked impatiently. The man had the worst timing. 

"What's the status?" he asked. 

You glanced back at John who shook his head. As much as you wanted to tell Jacob the good news, you respected John's wishes. 

"I'm getting closer. She's getting cocky, it'll only be a matter of time before she slips up," you lied, glancing back to John again who gave you a small smile. 

"Fuck. Well listen, I know you got this but hurry up. Things with the Whitetails are starting to get real annoying. We need to get to work." 

"Is that it or do you just miss me?" you teased. 

"Get the fuck home," he said and the radio went silent. 

You smiled down at the radio and placed it back on the desk, looking back at the bed but John had stood at this point and was now standing at the door. 

"I'm going to attend to the deputy," he said and slipped out.

You heaved a sigh and threw yourself back on the bed, unsure of what had just happened. You weren't sure if you had made things better or worse between you but he definitely seemed impatient when he left. You decided you'd give him his time with the deputy and then go to see him later tonight. As much as you knew you should probably keep your distance, the thought sent a feeling of longing through you that you couldn't ignore. You realized you were starting to fall for John Seed. 

"Fuck," you murmured into the stale air of the room. "This isn't good."

\---

After dinner, you tried to busy yourself but there was only so much you could do here. If you were home and got bored, you could explore the mountains or go for a hunt, but you were basically in a metal prison here. You wandered the halls for a time and then read some of your book that John had given you, but you were finding it hard to concentrate. You decided to check on John and use the deputy as an excuse for doing so. When you arrived at his room and knocked on the door, he didn't call you in like he normally did. After a couple minutes, you decided he wasn't there and turned to leave. You had only gotten a few steps down the hall before his door swung open, a bloody John standing in the doorway. 

"Oh my God, are you okay?" you asked as you ran to him, inspecting him for wounds but when you found nothing, you knew the blood wasn't his. "Oh..." 

His eyes were no longer bright but had been replaced with a fire that danced behind them. His jaw was clenched and the rage inside of him all but seeped out of his pours. 

"What happened?"

"She's gone," he said simply through gritted teeth. 

"Who is? The deputy?" you asked in shock. 

"That fucking bitch... She escaped but that's fine... I let her go. She can have her fun for now. Her friends will suffer for it," he spat and turned back to his room. You followed him in but waited at the door. 

"John, I'll go track her again. I can bring her back," you assured him, trying to make things right. 

"No," he screamed, startling you. When he noticed your face, he quieted his voice. "No, let her go for now." 

You crossed the room and held a hand on either arm. You weren't sure what else to do but you had such a strong urge to hold him, to tell him things would be okay. You wondered if anyone had ever done that for him. Before you could stop yourself, you were pushing into his arms, forcing yourself under his and resting your chin on his shoulder. He didn't move for a long minute but then finally brought his arms up and around you, squeezing tightly. 

You turned your face towards his neck and rested your cheek against the crook of this shoulder, taking in the scent of him. He always smelt like expensive cologne and soap. 

"It'll be okay," you whispered against his skin. 

"I know," he said and ran a hand up your back and to your hair. You pulled back slightly to look up at him. John reached a hand to your cheek and brushed a thumb against it roughly, scrubbing away at the skin. "You have blood on you." 

You laughed and after a minute, he did too. While you stood there giggling like an idiot, he kept his hold on you, relishing every moment of physical contact. 

"I have a plan," he said without any further details. 

You pulled back from your embrace and looked to him for an answer. The only one you got with a smile that lit up his eyes. 

\--- 

"Seriously? Can't we leave the poor little birdies alone?" you asked when John pulled over on the side of the road and showed you a tree full of black birds. 

"It's an important day, we need them." 

You sighed and glanced back at the tree. He hadn't told you what he needed them for but asked you to bring your bow to kill a half dozen or so without the damage a bullet would cause. You grabbed an arrow and pulled the bow string to your cheek, bringing down one of the birds easily. You shot through its eye to ensure the death would be quick. You took another arrow from the quiver and pulled another out of the trees and then another. When you had close to ten of them laying dead at the base of the oak, John told you that was enough. You both collected the arrows from the birds and stashed the bodies in a burlap sack John had thrown in his back seat earlier. 

"Anything else you need?" you asked. 

"I can take care of the rest of the decorations but I'll need you to help me hunt down a few of our friends, namely the pastor, Mary May and that greedy bastard Nick Rye," he said with venom in his voice. 

"Where am I keeping them?" 

"Bring them to the bunker if you can. I'd like to have them ready for tomorrow. Is that doable?" he asked as he took your hand casually and led you back to his car. You glanced down at his hand but nodded. "Excellent." 

John opened your door for you and placed the bag of birds in the truck which was of course lined with a tarp to avoid getting blood on the interior. When he hopped into the car, he checked to ensure you had your seatbelt on and took off back to the bunker. 

"You've been a godsend," he said as he kept his eyes on the road. 

"I'm sure you could have found someone else to kill some birds for you," you laughed. 

He shook his head and turned with his signature smile, bringing a heat just below the surface of your cheeks. You glanced away quickly and stared out the window instead. You knew you had to fight these feelings. John had someone else already... you couldn't remember her name right off the top of your head but she was known throughout the Project as John's lover. Not only that but Jacob wanted you dedicated to the cause in the north and would be unhappy if you were to stray from your duties. You hated the thoughts of disappointing him. 

"Do I make you nervous?" John asked, interrupting your thoughts. 

"Hmm? Oh.. no. Should I be?"

"No, I would hope not but you were blushing just now." 

"Ugh," you groaned. Your body had betrayed you again. You hated when it did that. "I always turn into a tomato... it's just one of my talents." 

John laughed lightly and reached a hand to your knee, squeezing lightly. "I think it's adorable." 

You couldn't help yourself as laughter erupted from your lips. The big bad John Seed thought something was adorable. This guy was a virtual onion with his layers upon layers. 

"You don't make me nervous but I just always feel... I'm not sure. I don't know what to say," you rambled. You immediately regretted opening your mouth. 

"You don't have to say anything. I'm going to drop you off here okay?" he asked as he pulled in front of the bunker. "I have a couple of things I need to do." 

"Okay, see ya," you said and hopped out of the car, walking towards the front door. 

When you turned to see if he had left yet, you noticed he was sitting in the car still, watching you walk away.


	4. Chapter 4

Jerome and Mary May were easy to track down as they were both at the Spread Eagle. You watched them through the window from your hiding spot across the road. They chatted with the other locals and had a couple beer. When the night finally came to an end and the neon sign out front dimmed, they both walked out front onto the road. The pastor waved goodbye and headed down the road. Mary May turned to go back inside but your bliss bullet was out of its chamber before her hand was on the doorknob. You shot Jerome down in front of the garage next door and pulled their bodies into the lot behind the bar until you could bring your car around and load them in the back. It was late at night and no one was around, which made things much easier for you. 

After dropping them off at the bunker, leaving strict instructions not to harm them, you headed to Nick Rye's home. When you arrived, the lights were all out and there was no sign of anyone around so you decided to come back the next day. You refused to break into their home in the middle of the night and steal him from his bed. You felt badly enough about kidnapping these people anyhow but John assured you it was only temporary and they wouldn't be hurt. He still refused to tell you what he had planned though. 

When you returned back to the bunker, John was pacing outside your door. His face lit up when he saw you. 

"You are a gem!" he exclaimed and threw an arm around your shoulder as you approached, following you yet again into your room. "I saw the fruits of your labour today."

"I'll retrieve Nick tomorrow," you told him. 

"I know you will. I told Jacob I refuse to let you leave. You're exactly what I need around here." 

"Oh yeah? And how did he take that?" you asked out if genuine curiosity. 

"As you would expect, but I refuse to give up," he said and led you to the bed. 

His hand reached for yours and he pulled you down next to him atop the mess of blankets and sheets that laid in a pile on your bed. You were sure that would be driving him crazy but he didn't let on, much to your relief. John shifted slightly and was suddenly closer to you than when you both sat down originally. He let his eyes linger on yours as the corner of his lips turned up in the sexiest way. 

"You have the most beautiful eyes," he said softly. 

"Are you always such a charmer?" you asked uncomfortably. 

"Only when I want something." 

You held your breath involuntarily and bit your bottom lip. John's eyes darted from yours down to them and he sucked his own in slightly. 

"What is it you want?" you asked, suspecting you knew but wanting to hear his answer. He kept his eyes on your lips until he heard your question and then glanced back up to make that intense eye contact he'd been making lately. 

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked but when you shook your head, chosing not to give in, he leaned into you and pressed his lips against yours. 

He started slowly and gently, kissing you for a long time before finally parting his lips and letting his tongue escape. You mirrored his movements to meet him and let him explore your mouth. His hands had crept up your sides as you kissed and one was now holding the back of your head in place while the other reached around your waist to rested on your back. As he kissed you, he let out the softest of moans, sending a warmth between your thighs. You were fully prepared to let him do whatever he wanted but then you were struck by a thought like a poison arrow. It sent a wave of guilt over you as quickly as it had hit. You pushed out of his arms and held him at arms length. 

"John, aren't you with someone?" you asked, ashamed at your lack of self control. 

"Holly?" he asked with a look of mild confusion on his face. 

"I'm not sure what her name is, I just heard there was someone..."

He reached again for you, forcing you to stand to escape his needy fingers. You took a step back but he stood to join you, forcing you back again. 

"It's just sex" he said casually as if that was a good enough explanation for cheating on his girlfriend. "We're not in a relationship." 

You realized he was referring to her when he said that and felt a flush cross your cheeks at accusing him so quickly. As you stopped moving back any further, John caught up to you and reached a palm to your face. 

"I can't," you said almost under your breath. You refused to share with someone else, even though you wanted him more than you had anyone in your entire life. 

John stopped suddenly and put his hands up in front of him. He turned and headed to the door without an explanation, anger spreading across his face. Before he left, he stopped, still facing away from you and told you his expectations, "I want Nick Rye here in the morning and when he wakes, I want you to accompany me to Falls End with our guests. I'm not asking." 

He stomped off and left you standing in place, marveling at how quickly his mood could change. 

\---

Your sleep was broken for most of the night as you relived the moments with John before his outburst. A tinge of anger had taken hold of you but mostly, you felt sorry that you had obviously hurt his ego. As much as you reasoned with yourself that he was touch-starved and needed someone who understood him, who was part of the Project on a deeper level and who wouldn't cower at his feet when he lost his temper (which was sure to be frequently), you couldn't give in just out of pity. You didn't want to be anyone's second choice and couldn't allow yourself to enter into some twisted love triangle with a woman you had yet to meet. You dozed off again, weighing the pros and cons but woke an hour later, only to materialize a picture of what Holly may look like in your mind. 

You imagined she was nothing like you - she would wear beautifully pressed dresses and skirts, heels and her hair would be an ocean of soft waves. The hairpin curve of her lips would be lined with ruby red lipstick and she would agree to anything John said, ensuring he knew how perfect he was at any chance she got. You on the other hand were always in jeans and hunting boots, dirt covering you half the time and hair whipped back into whatever direction it had chosen that morning. You swore, you drank and you knew how to fire a gun better than most men in the county. You were more of the type of woman his oldest brother would appreciate, but not John. You couldn't understand him being drawn to you the way he was and it plagued your mind for close to an hour before you finally fell back to a light sleep. 

When morning came, you woke up exhausted and with a headache over your eyes. Lazily, you dressed and brushed your teeth and hair and slammed back a cup of black coffee in the kitchen before you headed back to Nick's home yet again. With the mood you were in, you wanted to tell John to get Nick himself if he wanted him that badly but when you saw him in the hall with a young woman who was hanging on his every word, you flashed him a dirty look and walked by without a word instead.


	5. Chapter 5

"He's here. In one of the cells," you called in to John from his open door. 

He was standing in front of his table when you approached, rolling up an elegant rug and placing it next to a bouquet of roses. When he finally looked up and you knew he had heard you, you turned and left his room and headed back down the corridor. You heard his footsteps hurry after you but kept your gaze at the hall in front. 

"Wait," he said as he grabbed at your wrist. 

You stopped and shook yourself from his grasp, holding a hand to your wrist to let him know he had been too rough. Your expression from this morning hadn't changed much, especially after seeing who you assumed to be Holly. All of this time you had been at the bunker, you had yet to see him with her but conveniently, she was there this morning. She wasn't   
exactly as you pictured her but she was well put together and much girlier than you and of course, beautiful. 

"Do I sense a bit of a temper?" he said with a smirk. 

"When are we leaving this afternoon?" you asked, chosing to ignore his question. 

"Ah yes, there it is," he said as he studied your face. "You're angry with me." 

"Yes, now can you just tell me when to be ready?" 

John tried placing a hand on your forearm but you stepped back and out of his grasp. His smirk was quickly replaced with the same look he wore the night before. 

"That," you said as you pointed at him. "That look you get when you don't get what you want, that's why I'm angry. You don't get to treat me like I'm a piece of your property and you don't get the right to be angry with me when I don't want to share you." 

"I never said you had to," he hissed. 

"You didn't have to. I saw you this morning in case you didn't feel the daggers I was staring your way. Such a childish thing to do... And you know, I'm done making excuses for you. I justify all of your outbursts, all of your mood swings as residue from your shitty life but at some point you can chose to be a man instead of a child and deal with your anger in a healthy way." 

The words were out and in the universe and as quickly as they had left you, you regretted them. You knew he wasn't like Jacob, he wouldn't appreciate you pushing his buttons in any way and he definitely wouldn't appreciate you speaking so candidly about his personal life. Your suspicions were confirmed when you noticed his hands clench at his sides.

He took a step forward until he was in your face before he spoke, "Have you killed anyone before, hmm? Have you shot down anyone my brother has ordered you to and snuffed out their lives just because he fucking told you to? Some part of you enjoyed it, I know that much or you wouldn't be doing this so willingly. Don't think I don't recognize a broken person when I see one... you and I are alike but the only difference is, I chose not to hide it and act so self righteous. So what right do you have to fucking speak to me like that?" 

"Get the hell out of my face, John," you spat back and tried to leave again but he grabbed your wrists again and pushed you across the hall and into the wall. His eyes were wild as he continued to squeeze at the skin, holding them above your head as he inched his face closer. 

"Take your fucking hands off of me," you said slowly, giving him the opportunity to reconsider before you threw a fist into his jaw. You refused to let anyone touch you in such a way, even if they were one of the Seed's. 

John leaned in further until he was so close you could feel his breath on your face. His eyes pierced into yours but you kept his gaze, refusing to back down. After a minute, he pushed your hands away roughly and stormed back to his room. When he slammed the door behind him, you heard things crash against the wall inside. 

You rolled your eyes but stood, unable to move as you listened to him destroy his room. You knew you should leave but maybe John was right when he said you were alike... your temper flared and you knew you couldn't just let him be the one to walk away. Without knocking, you swung his door open and watched as he stood with his hands to his desk, breathing heavily. He looked over his shoulder and when he saw it was you, he marched to the middle of the room. You did the same, after slamming his door shut, meeting him halfway. He grabbed you and pulled you to him but rather than yell at you again, he kissed you deeply. He pulled away for a second but you pulled him back, kissing him desperately. 

Your hands ran down his chest and fumbled with his buttons as your fingers shook in anticipation. After two buttons were undone, John pulled at your shirt and forced your hands from their task as he ripped your t-shirt over your head, throwing it absently across the room. With one hand, he unsnapped your bra and had it laying with your shirt in one quick motion. You continued to struggle with his buttons again but finally pulled it down his shoulders and got to work on his flashy belt buckle and button on his jeans. When he noticed you struggling again, he pulled your hands away and pulled his jeans and boxers down himself, kicking his boots off in the process. You quickly did the same and shimmied out of your tight fitting jeans, panties and boots, barely undressed a second before he was kissing you hard again and pulling you to him. 

His hands pushed you roughly to the bed and he collapsed on top of you, baring his weight down on you to restrain you as his hand reached down and suddenly, two fingers thrust into your entrance without warning. You whimpered slightly at the intrusiveness of his touch but didn't pull away as he thrust into you quickly. When he was satisfied you were ready for him, he replaced his fingers quickly with his cock, pushing every last inch into you without easing in. You felt yourself stretch around him almost painfully as he thrust into you sharply and desperately. It was the strangest sensation - instant relief in finally having him but a nagging sting at the size of his member and the lack of concern he showed for your most intimate area. 

"Harder," you panted against his ear as he leaned down on top of you and bit at your jawline. 

You watched him smile out of the corner of your eye and he shifted himself off of you slightly, moving his hands to your wrists again as he pinned them to the pillow above you and plowed into you with a hard snap of his hips. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling up to meet each stroke and felt the ache of his rhythm. It was something you needed desperately. It took you out of the mental headspace you were in and forced you to focus on the buildup that was coursing through your muscles and pushing down between your thighs. You felt your walls start to contract and pull against his cock as it slid into you more easily with every stroke. 

"Fuck," John said between heavy breaths as he felt you tighten around him, ready to cum at any second. He pulled out completely and pushed off of you, laying back on the bed. "Not yet." 

You growled and threw a leg over him, quickly straddling his lap and wiggling around until he was lined up. You sank down quickly and leaned forward, feeling his cock rub against you perfectly as the tip touched your g-spot just so. You moaned loudly as you continued to circle your hips around him rather than bounce on it. The familiar tension started to build again and this time when he noticed and tried pushing you back, you wrapped your fingers around his throat and held him down as you fucked him until you found your orgasm. You exploded around him, throwing your head back as you called his name, surely loud enough for everyone nearby to hear. 

John's fingers raked against your hips as he held you in place and pushed his up from the bed, thrusting into you quickly again and again until you watched his eyelids flutter and a low groan escape his throat. He pulled you down to take the entire length of his shaft once more and held you in place as he shuddered against you with his eyes shut tight. When he finally opened them, he grinned up at you and reached around, smacking your ass and letting you slip off of his lap and back to the mattress beside him. 

"Jesus..." you murmured as you tried to catch your breath again. 

"I should have known you liked it rough," he said as he turned to you and winked. 

"Guess we're more similiar than I thought. Fuck, I needed that." 

John nodded and turned back to look at the ceiling. His breath started to ease and he stretched out, letting out a long satisfied sigh. You watched him with a smile before you brought your gaze down to his chest, taking in the scars that polluted his skin. Wearily, you reach a hand over and ran it gently across them. John watched you as you took in every detail, every story his body was telling you. 

"When you saw me this morning, I was telling Holly I didn't want to see her again," he said quietly as he continued to watch your movements. 

You stopped and pulled your gaze from his chest and up to his face. "Why?" 

"Because I'm a child and I get what I want," 

"John, I didn't mean..." 

He stopped you by pushing a palm over your mouth and then replacing it with his lips before pulling back. He shushed you before he continued, "I've never had feelings for her, it was convenient and of course she's beautiful so that didn't hurt. But I covet you in a way I never could anyone else and I'll do whatever I need to to have you." 

Your face flushed crimson as you buried it to his chest and smiled like a crazy person, trying to hide your emotion from him. He chuckled and pulled you back, grinning at your expression. You pulled back quickly from the bed and gathered your clothes, throwing most on but chosing to carry your boots as you grabbed the doorknob and slipped out, waving once as you went.


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell is this?" you asked when John pulled up out front of the church in Falls End. 

"It's our wedding, what else?" 

You hopped out of the van and headed to the front of the church with John close behind, taking in the rug laid out and adorned with flower petals. Beautiful white flowers hung from around the walkway and your kills from this morning laid nailed around the doorframe. 

"You made me shoot birds for my own wedding? Such an ass," you shot back as he grinned and turned around, waving a hand to the other truck, motioning for his people to unload his prisoners who were now wide awake. 

He led you into the church and took his place at the front alter, waiting for his guests. When they were finally dragged in and surrounded by guns, he clapped his hands once and welcomed them loudly and dramatically before holding out a finger. 

"We're missing our guest of honour," he announced. "Excuse me a moment, won't you?" 

He took the radio from the follower to his right and sent a message out to the deputy, inviting her to the church for her atonement and of course mentioning her friends. All that was left now was to wait. As you stood around, you watched as John started to get antsy - he tapped his fingers to the side of his thigh and paced every so often before catching himself and forcing composure once again. 

"She's smarter than this," Mary May snapped. "She's not going to show for your little play you're putting on." 

John walked over to where she was being held by two followers and smiled calmly at her. 

"That's where you're wrong. Your deputy has become quite unhinged since you all had the nerve to vacate me from my home. We've tracked her once, and easily I'm told," he glanced to you and you nodded in response. "Her entrance is a predictable one, mark my words." 

"It's not too late to walk away, John. I know you at least have a sense of preservation left in you. Admit when you're defeated," Jerome chimed in. 

John nodded to the man holding the pastor and he hauled off and backhanded him quickly, dropping Jerome to his knees. John continued to walk around the church as if nothing had happened. 

Moments later - as John had predicted - the front doors burst open and the deputy walked in, met with the butt of a gun to the eyes as she dropped unconscious to the wooden floor. You watched as she was dragged to the front of the church, her friends squirming against their captors as they watched in horror. 

"Wakey, wakey," John cooed as he placed a hand on the deputy's cheek. 

When she didn't wake, he turned and prepared his tattoo gun, smiling all the while. 

"Ah yes, I know just the sin for you my dear one," he hummed as he opened her shirt and ran a hand over her clear skin. 

The intimacy of it made you feel uncomfortable but you couldn't look away. John traced the letters over her skin softly and nodded to himself before starting with the letter "R". He took great care to ensure the word was neat and centered, tattooing the middle three letters so he would have room to finish the others on either side and adjust their spacing if need be. As he was getting ready to finish, the deputy started to wake. 

"Hold still," John ordered. "It's supposed to say wrath, not... rat." 

The two men at his side held the deputy down firmly to the floor as John placed the gun to the deputy's chest again, just above her breasts. And though he could have finished quietly, John was never one to refuse putting on a show for the followers. 

"Sin, it must be exposed so it can be absolved. If we hide our sin, we hide ourselves. You will not hide any longer. Your true self will spill out onto this floor for all to see," he pulled the tattoo gun back and bounded to his feet. "Ahh, perfect! If Mohammed won't come to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohammed. Let's begin!" 

John rushed back and grabbed the Book of Joseph as the deputy was pulled across the floor towards him. When he turned back, he stood just behind the pastor and hit his bible from his hands, replacing it with his book. Nick and Mary each stood to the deputy's side. You were tasked with ensuring Mary May didn't run or fight. You held a gun to her head while John preformed for the audience. 

"I thought a friendly face might make your atonement easier," he said, referring to Jerome. 

He continued on, forcing Jerome to repeat his words to Nick as he held out the book in front of him. You watched him, knowing he was coming unhinged but was expertly holding it together as part of his normal act. It wasn't until Nick refused his atonement and cursed John out for being a psychopath that he finally dropped the facade and pushed past his men to get in Nick's face. You were sure he would gut him then and there but he composed himself slightly and leaned in, whispering to Nick's ear. You strained to hear what he was saying but the expression John received in return was enough of an explanation. Your heart ached for Nick slightly, knowing his family would have been threatened and that the threat wouldn't have been an idle one. 

You had heard stories in the mountains of the youngest Seed and his bloodlust, his sadism and general lack of regard for any human life but you took them to be tales of a Boogie man, hyped up to scare the flock into complying with Joseph's wishes. The few times you had met John previous to your recent visit, he was beyond charming and well mannered. You could see through it of course, but he didn't strike fear into your heart like you expected him to and this last visit with him, had definitely changed your mind as to the person he was. But after you watched him jump atop Nick and peel the skin from his writhing body, you almost felt sick. It wasn't the act that disturbed you as much as the look of pure bliss that spread across his face. He nailed his trophy to the wall, proudly on display and turned back with genuine happiness in his eyes. 

You were so hung up on the mixed feelings that were stirring inside of you that the next few moments were a blur. Before you knew it, the deputy had a gun and was firing in John's direction. You didn't think twice as you shielded him and ran out the door with him at your side, loading him into the vehicle and speeding off before anyone else could catch up to you. You knew they wouldn't make it out alive but they weren't your concern. 

"Fuck!" John screamed as he pounded his fists to the dashboard. "Turn around, we can't let her escape again." 

You continued driving towards the bunker, ignoring his orders. You wouldn't reason with him; you knew it would fall on deaf ears with him in such a rage. 

"I said, turn the fuck around," he yelled again. 

"Do you want to fucking live or not?" you yelled back. "I'm getting you to safety and then I'll go back." 

"You don't call the fucking shots here, remember that. You're a soldier, now do as you're told." 

You ignored him and his temper tantrum and continued en route. You didn't care if he was angry now or if he would stay that way; you'd rather have him angry than dead. As you drove, John continued to yell and flail around but you blocked him out. By the time you arrived back at the bunker, he was quiet. He left the vehicle and followed you to the bunker silently but still tense. You ushered him inside first before turning to the guards at the door. 

"Come inside and lock this door. Send a broadcast out to everyone who may come back here to scatter and find shelter, it's not safe. If anyone tries to get in, even if you know them, you have to refuse... do you understand?"

They nodded but looked at you with a puzzled expression. You knew they would need some sort of explanation before they would truly follow your orders. 

"The deputy attempted to kill John and I'm not sure if she's on her way here or not. Unless you want his blood on your hands, do as I ask. Now, do you understand?" you asked again. 

This time they agreed enthusiastically and sealed the heavy door behind you as you entered and made your way down to John's room. When you found him, he was sitting wordlessly on his bed, eyes fixed on the far wall. You sat next to him but he didn't remove his attention from their current target. 

"I know you're pissed but I can't let anything happen to you," you tried explaining, resting a hand on his but he pulled back. 

"Because those were my brother's orders?" he spat back at you and finally shifted his vision to your direction. His eyes were full of rage, enough that it took you back slightly when they met yours. 

"No, because I actually want you around rather than six feet in the ground. We need to hide out here for a bit and then I'm taking to you the Veteran's Center. You can't stay in the Valley anymore." 

"I won't leave these people. I refuse to be put on a pedestal while they suffer here." 

"The deputy is predictable and she's head strong. She doesn't care about these people, it's always been about you and your family. If you leave, she'll follow until she can hunt you down," you told him. 

John stared off for a moment, mulling over what you had said but finally nodded with a sigh. 

"She won't atone on her own," John said. 

"No, she won't. But Jacob can condition her to. We need to lead her up north." 

"Okay. Guess you're stuck with me until then," he said, giving you that smile that you craved.


	7. Chapter 7

It took the rest of the day for John to calm down so you left him alone to stew at his failure. You took the time to visit some of the followers in the bunker who all had questions and you explained the plan going forward. You also let them know to lay low while John was temporarily relocated. Once the deputy was captured again, John would come back and rebuild their forces. You would convince Jacob to send some hunters to help and they would retake the land they had lost. Everyone seemed hopeful that it would work and the respect they showed to you was astounding. You could definitely get used to it. 

Once you were done your conversations, you headed back to your room to radio Jacob and fill him in. There was a frequency he had blocked that you and the other hunters used so there was no fear in having the plan leaked. 

"Red, you busy up there?" you called out, using the nickname you had bestowed to him to identify yourself. 

"Ready to come home?" he asked, ignoring your question. 

"Not so much..." 

"What the fuck have you gotten yourself into now? Is John okay?" 

"Yes, he's fine but we had a close call a couple hours ago. I'll fill you in when I see you but I'm bringing him to the mountains, it's not safe here."

There was a pause on the other end but then Jacob came back, "Bring him to the Center. I'll watch over him." 

"I'll have to wait a couple days. We have the bunker on lock down, I'm sure outside is swarming with resistance members. Can you spare some people to come scout down here? I'd like to have them set up a perimeter from the bunker and up to the border, to make sure I can get John out in one piece." 

"I'll send them down," he agreed. "Sit tight and try to weather the storm." 

You laughed a bit, knowing he was referring to John. You looked down at the radio in your hand and wanted nothing more than to tell Jacob you missed being home but you knew he would see it as a weakness. You could never disappoint him like that. 

"See you soon," you chose to say instead. 

"I'm proud of you, pup." 

His end of the line went dead, letting you know it was safe to finally show your emotion. You sank down to your bed and let the tears slide down your cheeks finally. Jacob and you guessed now John were the only family you had and hearing him say that sent a wave of appreciation for him over you. Maybe the Resistance were right, maybe you were on the wrong side but the only thing you were sure of is that you would never abandon it. 

\---

The next day, you woke later than usual which was such a treat for you but at the same time, you woke with a sense of panic, unsure if everything was okay. You dressed quickly and brushed the knots from your hair and raced out into the hall and up the stairs to the heavy vault like door that led outside. You sighed in relief when you saw it was still in once piece. 

The followers you met up with along your walk back seemed to be doing okay and when you asked them if there was anything to report, they all told you the same: it was quiet on the surface and the Resistance hadn't come close to the bunker as far as they could tell. You would normally take that as a victory but you knew they were most likely regrouping and planning an attack. Thanking them, you continued along until you stood in front of John's door. You weren't sure if he would feel like having a guest but decided you needed to update him on your conversation with Jacob. Before you had a chance to knock, the door flew open and John came crashing into you. 

"Am I going to have to get you a bell for around your neck?" he asked.

"I didn't expect you to come flying out of there like that. You have far too much energy," you told him, which was true. He was always bouncing around, never sitting still for long. 

"I was actually just coming to see you. Come inside?" he asked as he stepped back into the room and glanced over his shoulder at you. You followed behind him and let him close the door behind you quietly. 

"Jacob's sending some people down to watch from the woods. When we know the roads are safe, we're going to have to make a break for it," you explained but he remained silence, taking your hand and leading you to the bed. Once he sat down, he pulled you down next to him. 

"I'm packed and ready to go. You just tell me when," he said. "You're coming with I hope?" 

"Yep, I'll be driving you up if that's okay?" 

"Of course," he said softly. 

You noticed his eyes were grazing over you; first to your lips, then down your body and back up again, stopping at your breasts. He sucked in his bottom lip slightly and then finally brought his eyes back to yours. 

"What you saw at the church... did that change your opinion of me?" he asked, still keeping your gaze. 

You looked down at your hands, entwining your fingers together and then back out to wring your hands. You were unsure how to respond to him but he deserved the truth, you knew that much. 

"Yes, it frightened me a bit to be honest," you told him. 

"Sins must be cut out," he tried to explain. 

"It wasn't that... it was the enjoyment you got from doing it." 

His eyebrows raised slightly and he stood, crossing the room and then coming to a stop with his back to you. He brought a hand up to his beard, letting his fingers rake through it and then finally turned to you. 

"I will never make excuses for the person I've become. Part of me knows better and I struggle with that but the other part, the part every family I've had has molded me into... it brings me satisfaction to release some of that anger. Does that make sense?" 

"Of course. I'd be a hypocrite if I said otherwise. You've pointed it out before and it's true... I kill people and I justify it as following orders but depending on who they are, sometimes it doesn't bother me. I house a lot of rage for the hand I've been dealt when I was younger too, though I can't imagine what you've been through. But we need to become better than that, both of us." 

"Hmm.." he hummed, "Perhaps you're right. Maybe a distraction is what we need." 

He crossed the room to where you sat and sank down to his knees in front of you, pushing your knees to either side of him as he scooted between them. He brought his face up to look at you and brushed the hair that was against your cheek behind your ear. 

"I enjoy the way you touch me," he said. "No one has ever treated me the way you do." 

You smiled down at him, not being able to hide it, as such sweet words came from his lips. You reached down and ran a hand on either side of his face and brought it up slightly to yours, kissing him so softly you could barely feel it before you pulled back again. 

"You don't have to hide around me, John. I know who you are and I'm here even so."

"You're so different than the rest," he said before crushing his lips back to your forcably.

You grabbed the back of his head and brought yours closer to him, letting your lips move against his. There was such desperation from both of you - desperation for physical touch but also to be understood so well by the other. You wanted to share a moment with him that wasn't just about sex. You wanted his skin anywhere and everywhere but it was more about the connection than the physical release. 

John pushed up from his knees and guided you back to the bed, following as you crawled back to the pillows, never letting his lips leave yours. He settled on top of you, chosing to let his weight rest on you rather than holding himself up and let his hands rub through your hair and then down your sides. When you brought your legs up around his waist, he caressed your thighs. It was as if he wanted to touch every inch of you all at once. 

As your tongues moved together slowly, you felt him harden against you and let him move his hips to yours, grinding them slowly and deliberately. You rose yours to do the same, feeling the heat rise between your legs at every slow movement. It was surprising to you that he wasn't undressing you by now but also that he was being so gentle and patient. You always expected John to enjoy rough sex, maybe even bondage but here he was, doing the complete opposite. 

As your thoughts wandered, John finally released your lips and moved to your neck, kissing every inch before he sucked softly at the skin, causing a shiver to course through you. When he noticed, he raised up slightly and looked down at you with a look of peace on his face. 

"You're perfect," he whispered and reached down to pull at your sweatpants, bringing them down your legs and maneuvering them around his waist and onto the floor. 

He quickly undid his belt and pulled his jeans down to his knees, letting them rest there. You watched as he brought his cock from his boxers and pushed your panties aside, resting back on top but not entering you. You wriggled beneath him slightly, trying to line him up with your entrance but ended up reaching down and grabbing at him with your hand instead. He was ready and so were you so he slid in quickly and relatively easy. It took you a minute to adjust around him but his movements were so slow, it dulled the sting. 

John finally let the entire length of his shaft enter you and stopped momentarily, enjoying the way you wrapped around him. You both gasped when he tried pushing in a bit deeper and then brought himself back out at an agonizingly slow pace. The next time he thrusted, he repeated the process but quickened his pace slightly. It was enough to calm your impatience for now. You moved with him, meeting his rhythm and holding your hands around his shoulders, bringing him as close to you as you could. He needed a human connection, you knew that much, and you were determined to be the one to give it to him. 

"God, that's amazing," you breathed into his ear as you felt the buildup with every stroke. It was painfully slow process and the anticipation was enough to drive you crazy, but in the best possible way. 

"Mmm," he agreed and brought his lips down to yours again as he let out a soft moan and let your name slip out. 

The way he moaned against you, sped things along. You felt your walls start to contract, so slowly at first, but then building up gradually. Every time they did, it squeezed his cock and John would make some small noise to let you know he could feel it. 

The buildup continued until you were convinced you couldn't take anymore but then finally you came. It was intense and drawn out, every stroke of his cock pulling your orgasm from you a second longer. Your body shuddered and bucked against his and you grabbed at him, pulling him down to your chest, running your hands through his hair, anything you could do to let him know you appreciated the gift he had just given you. He reciprocated by pushing down to you and burying himself inside, spilling into you as deeply as he could and staying there as you both felt your bodies relax. 

When he finally rolled off of you, he brought you to his arms quickly, not wanting the intimacy to end. You reached an arm around his waist and buried your face against his chest, letting him stroke your hair. 

"Thank you," he said finally. 

You glanced up at him. "Don't ever thank me for that." 

"I meant thank you for being exactly what I needed in my life." 

You smiled and rested back against him again, stroking a hand down his back lightly and picturing every scar as you went.


End file.
